Hi Narrative,
I remember when I had that same fear. I was convinced that margin trading was too risky, because of exactly what you said--I didn't want to lose more money than I put in.
Ultimately, I realized a couple things. First of all, I needed margin in order to trade most types of spreads. Since they involve buying one option and selling another, it doesn't matter that your risk is defined--your broker requires you to have margin just to execute the trade. It is up to you to know what your risk is. Some spreads--like most calendars--have risk limited to the debit you paid. Others, like SPY/TLT, have risk limited to the difference between the strikes of the spreads. Others, like VIX Calendars, have risk substantially beyond the margin requirement. It's what we call "tail risk"--very unlikely events. But those events do happen, and theoretically your losses are unlimited. (In practice, there is some limit to how high volatility can go, but that limit is not necessarily the margin required, like it is for other spreads).
The second thing I realized was that by getting a margin account and trading spreads, I was actually reducing my risk. Although it's counter-intuitive, you stand to lose much much more if you are limited to buying calls and puts (so, directional positions & straddles with substantial time decay) than if you trade spreads, where you can take advantage of more nuanced market conditions and have multiple options hedging your bets. By taking advantage of the "difference" between two options, you're taking on less risk than if you were to buy or sell either option by itself. Of course, you can still take excessive risk through poor position sizing and management, but spreads themselves are not inherently riskier- I think they've got quite a bit less risk when done well.
Finally, there's quite a bit of research which shows that implied volatility is, on average, higher than statistical volatility for indexes. This means that option selling strategies, like our Butterflies, Iron Condors, and SPX/RUT Calendars--have a statistical edge. No, they won't be profitable every month, but there is money to be made in the long run by selling options, and you can't do that without margin (except for a few covered calls).
I don't intend to push you to open a margin account- I know it's a tough decision, and I wouldn't be writing this if you hadn't expressed that you're prepared to lose all of the cash you put into your trading account. Trading is risky, and it's surprisingly easy to get arrogant and make stupid decisions (I've got a large loss right now in VXX puts to prove it). I just wanted to share my experiences and what helped me make the decision.
If you're still uncomfortable, you might talk to IB about coding your account to only trade defined risk spreads, to ensure you don't accidentally place a trade like a VIX calendar with more risk than you're comfortable with. It would essentially be like an IRA, which can trade options, but only so long as all positions have a defined risk and there is sufficient cash to cover that risk. I don't know if they do it, but I do know it's possible because they have to do it for IRAs:
http://ibkb.interactivebrokers.com/node/188
Hope this helps, and best of luck to you in whatever form of trading you decide to do.